


you might get what you're after

by goinghost



Category: Antlers Colorado - Marn
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Road Trips, fire and ice baby that's me, the antlers polycule can be something SO personal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27107329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goinghost/pseuds/goinghost
Summary: “He’s really not gonna let you fly, huh?”Landis groaned into the phone, running a hand through his shaggy hair. Maybe he should cut it (he probably wouldn’t). “He really wants to drive, and he says I’m not allowed to be out of his sight while you’re gone too.”--Walker insists on driving Landis cross country to visit Austin. Some things happen along the way.
Relationships: Landis Holliday/Walker Rivers
Kudos: 7





	you might get what you're after

**Author's Note:**

> this is a commission i did for the amazing marn! thank you so much for commissioning me to write these good good boys, i had a blast (as evidenced by the fact that i wrote 3k of this in one day)
> 
> title is from 'burning down the house' by the talking heads, which is relevant to the fic i promise
> 
> cw for landis having a panic attack in the section that starts, "Landis originally planned to call..." that man has been through so much.

“He’s really not gonna let you fly, huh?”

Landis groaned into the phone, running a hand through his shaggy hair. Maybe he should cut it (he probably wouldn’t). “He _really_ wants to drive, and he says I’m not allowed to be out of his sight while you’re gone too.”

“Ugh,” Austin said sympathetically, “You’re coming to Havenwood in that death trap of his?” 

Landis picked at his fingernails, “I thought his car was nice?”

“Sure, but you know he’s gonna gun it the whole time. That thing can probably break 100 miles per hour without any trouble.” As someone who’d ridden on the back of Austin’s motorcycle before, Landis chose not to comment on the irony of Austin being worried about Walker’s speed.

“Besides,” Austin continued, “The color is definitely _some_ kind of hazard.” 

Landis laughed, “It is pretty offensive.”

“Exactly! So he should really let you fly with Otter like a _normal_ person—“

“Is that Austin?” Walker said, coming up behind Landis and scaring the hell out of him. He jumped at least a foot in the air, but Walker didn’t seem sympathetic to the fact that he’d surprised him. 

When Landis caught his breath again, he replied, “Yeah.”

“Can you tell him I said how _excited_ I am to get back to the good old DPR.”

“You could just tell him your—“ Landis started to say, but Austin cut him off. 

“Is that Walker?” 

Landis sighed, “Yes, he—“

“Can you tell him I said that it’s wildly unnecessary of him to drive all the way here in his stupid car.” 

“You know you can—”

“Oh!” Walker cut him off again, “Could you also tell him that I said to say hi to Jacob for me.”

Austin was also talking in his ear, “Make sure to tell him I said he’s being a bastard about this whole thing.”

“And—” they started at the same time.

“If you have so much to say, you should really just call each other!” Landis all but shouted. Then he realized how loud his voice had gotten. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s fine,” Austin said. “I can rip Walker a new one later.” 

Walker just smirked as if he’d meant for this to happen. _Bastard._ “I’m not sure we’ll have time for that, Austin—“

“You could hear him the whole time?”

—Landis and I have gotta leave tomorrow morning.”

That got Landis’ attention. “Wait, we’re leaving in the morning?”

Walker nodded, pulling out a lollipop from _somewhere_ and sticking it in his mouth, “Yep,” he popped the _p_ because of course he did, “The drive is like 25 hours. If we’re gonna make it before Monday then we’d better leave ASAP. I’m thinking 5:00 AM at the latest. Will that be a problem?”

 _Yes, because some of us have real jobs,_ he didn’t say. Instead, he sighed. “Okay, I’ll be ready to leave.” 

“Perfect,” Walker smiled, “Now go pack or whatever. We’ve got a lot of driving to do tomorrow. 

* * *

5:00 AM with Walker was...not as bad as Landis expected, honestly. They were on the even playing field of both being tired out of their minds, so Walker didn’t have much opportunity to be obnoxious about anything. 

They loaded Walker’s shitty convertible with their bags and snacks that Landis stole from Otter, as well as much shitty vending machine food Walker could stuff into the backseat. At least they’d have a balance, considering everything Landis got from Otter was either fruit or granola-based. 

Landis only packed a few shirts, some underwear, and his toothbrush and his bag still barely fit in the trunk. Walker, on the other hand, packed like he’d be going on a month-long cruise. His bright orange duffle bag (Landis was sensing a theme) looked like it would burst if you breathed on it wrong. 

“Why’d you pack so much stuff?” 

Walker shrugged. He’d just got done shouldering his bag into the trunk as best as he could, and he closed it with a resounding _thunk_. “You never know what you might need at the DPR.”

Landis was pretty sure they wouldn’t need the horrendous Hawaiian shirts he’d seen peeking through the zipper of Walker’s bag, but he decided there was no use commenting. Instead, he did a shrug of his own and went over everything they had in his mind. “We should be good to go, right? I don’t think we can fit anything else in your car.” 

“This baby can fit all kinds of stuff in it,” Walker winked ( _Why?_ ) and slapped his hood. “But you’re right, we’ve got all the stuff we’ll need. Let’s hit the road!” 

* * *

The first few hours of the drive were blessedly peaceful. Both Walker and Landis were too tired to do much of anything besides watch the road and (in Landis’ case) try to get some more sleep. Landis had grown to be a bit of a morning person since working at the diner, but there was something so utterly exhausting about waking up at five in the morning just to sit in a car for hours on end. 

Around 10 o’clock, Landis was ready to be a person again. Walker seemed to agree, because at 10:02 Landis watched as his phone lifted itself up and plugged itself into the aux cord that he had dangling from the dashboard. Music that Landis didn’t recognize started blaring from the speakers and he quickly scrambled to turn down the volume. Once he’d made sure his eardrums hadn’t burst, Landis could tell that Walker was playing some kind of bubblegum pop song. 

He started tapping his fingers to the peppy beat, smiling a little. He wouldn’t have pegged Walker as a fan of this kind of stuff, but Walker was nodding his head along and singing as obnoxiously as he could. He glanced over at Landis and seemed to notice his smile. “I see you’re enjoying Miss Rae Jepsen.”

“Is that who this is?” 

Walker gave him a Look. “You don’t recognize Carly Rae Jepsen? Aren’t you, like, a music guy or something?”

Landis felt his cheeks grow hot. He glanced out the window to avoid looking at Walker when he said, “I don’t listen to the radio that often.” _Anymore_ , his mind filled in. It was a habit from his lake days that he had yet to break.

Walker shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it. He said, “C’mon, Holliday, I expected you of all people to have some taste.” Before Landis could ask what the hell _that_ meant, Walker moved on. “Okay Mister I-don’t-listen-to-the-radio, get ready for some musical education.” His phone floated up into the air and bumped into Landis’ lap. “Open that up, will you, and queue up some songs for me.” 

“What?”

“Swipe up on the screen and search the songs I tell you to,” Walker said, frustrated, “then press the little button with the dots and hit queue.”

“Right,” Landis did as he was told. Walker rattled off at least ten songs from all kinds of people Landis had never heard of before. Some of the songs were by repeat artists, Walker listing multiple songs in a rush and then shrugging and saying, “Just add all of those.” Landis had to admit, he was excited to listen to some new music. It’d been a while since he’d thought to try enjoying any songs that weren’t on the “recovery vibes” playlist that Otter insisted he make for himself. 

As soon as the first song Walked queued up started, the volume dial on the car radio crept up, until they were listening to a woman sing about new rules louder than Landis could think. Walker practically screamed the lyrics and rolled down all of the windows. For a second, Landis was sure he was going to stick his head out like a dog, but he just rested his hand against the side of the car and tapped his fingers to the beat. 

They went on like that for the ten songs he’d queued, Walker shout-singing the lyrics and Landis trying his best to subtly turn down the volume knob. Eventually the songs ran out and Walker listed off a bunch of new songs for Landis to pull up. So far he knew all of the words to every song he’d requested. After half an hour of them listening to Walker’s music, he waved a hand and said that Landis could queue up some songs he liked if he wanted, but they had to be, “an absolute jam. Nothing slow or too sad.” 

Landis thought this was an unfair restriction, considering Walker had played at least three songs by an artist named Mistski that were definitely all both slow and sad, but he didn’t have it in him to argue. He picked a few songs and then went back to filling Walker’s requests. 

When the Talking Heads started singing about burning down the house, Walked grinned devilishly, “I knew this would be the kind of shit you’d be into,” he said, as if he’d cracked some kind of code by paying attention to Landis. 

Landis shrugged before he realized that Walker wasn’t looking at him. Right, driving. He opened his mouth to try to say something smart about the music and why he liked it, but all that came out was, “They’re good.” 

Walker nodded, satisfied with his answer, “Yeah, it’s not complete garbage. What else you got?”

“What?”

“Gimme some more songs! I want to see what else the great musician Landis Holliday thinks is ‘good.’” 

And so the requests shifted in favor of Landis’ music for the next half hour. And the half hour after that. And another hour after that. Suddenly it was 1:00 PM and the signs of fast food restaurants off the interstate were looking very appealing. 

Landis heard Walker’s stomach growl and it was quickly met with a growl of his own. “We should get lunch.”

But Walker shook his head, “We don’t need to stop, I brought snacks.” To illustrate this, two honey buns floated onto the center console from the backseat. Landis expected Walker’s weird powers to start unwrapping it, but he just picked it up with his hand and tore it open with his teeth. At Landis’ odd look, he said, “Hard to do too much when I can’t concentrate. Like trying to read and watch a movie at the same time. It’s easier if I can focus on one thing.” 

Landis guessed that made sense. He’d never really put much thought into Walker’s telekinesis or its limitations thereof. All he really knew was that Walker was super powerful and dangerous when he wanted to be.

He couldn’t think of anything to really say on the subject that wouldn’t come out impossibly awkward so instead he asked, “Are you planning on driving straight through to the hotel tonight?”

“If I can. Obviously we’ll need gas, but I bet we can make it by five if we keep up this pace.” 

Landis was so confused, “Why? We have two days to get to Havenwood.”

“Because, Landis,” Walker grinned that wolfish grin again, like he was sharing an inside joke with himself, “The hotel we’re staying at has a hot tub and the pool closes at seven. I’m planning on getting as much chill time in as I can.” 

* * *

The hotel _did_ have a hot tub. It was also way less shitty than anywhere Landis had ever stayed on a road trip, including going on tour with Paper Museum. It wasn’t exactly at “complimentary robes” level of nice, but it definitely wasn’t anywhere near the roach-infested motels they’d spend the night at to save as much money as possible. 

True to his word, the minute they’d gotten to their room (with two queen-sized beds that looked completely free of bedbugs), Walker was off to change into his swimsuit. Landis hadn’t thought to bring a swimsuit considering it was fall Midwest. Landis didn’t think he even _owned_ a swimsuit. 

Walker came out of the bathroom with no shirt, bright orange swim trunks to rival his car’s unique hue, and a hotel towel wrapped around his shoulders. He was thinner than Landis would have thought, and Landis felt his cheeks grow hot when he realized that Walker had _nipple piercings._ He quickly looked away before he could burst into actual flames at the sight. Huh. 

Walker was looking at him like he knew exactly what Landis was thinking. “You thought piercings were just Austin’s thing?” 

He swallowed, “Huh?”

“Got ‘em in college with a friend. We weren’t quite drunk enough for the shop to kick us out, but we were getting there. In case you were curious,” he said, as if he knew that Landis was definitely curious, “I don’t have any others. No tattoos either. Pain for the sake of aesthetics isn’t really my thing. But I don’t regret them. You’ve gotta admit, they do look good.”

“Yeah,” Landis said weakly. Then he cleared his throat, “My right ear used to be pierced, but the hole closed up pretty fast when I stopped wearing an earring.” 

Walker whistled, “Look at you.” Normally it would’ve sounded mocking, but there was a genuine note to his voice that Landis wasn’t used to hearing. Huh. “You ever think about redoing it? Maybe getting the other one pierced?”

“Not in a while,” Landis laughed softly, “I don’t know if I could pull it off nowadays.”

“Hey, if Austin gets to go around looking like that then I think you can do whatever the hell you want with your ears.” 

He felt his voice grow a little more defensive than the joke warranted, “Austin looks great. I’m just worried I would look more ‘murder-y’ than everyone says I already do.” 

“Nah,” Walker waved a hand, “You can’t really surpass your current murder levels.”

“Gee, thanks.”

He shrugged, “I call it like I see it. I’m just saying that you’re probably good to do it if you think you’d like it.” And then Walker winked, and Landis realized once again that he was shirtless and also _nipple piercings, “_ Besides, _I_ think you’d look great.” 

Landis coughed, not sure how to respond. He settled on, “Uh, thanks.” 

“Anyway, are you gonna let me through? You’re blocking the doorway.” 

Sure enough, Landis realized that he’d been standing in front of the only exit from their room for the past few minutes. Fuck. He stepped aside and awkwardly gestured for Walker to move past him. Walker winked _again_ and slipped out the door, whistling on his way down the hall. 

Huh. 

* * *

Landis originally planned to call Austin and Otter, maybe write some in the small journal he kept, and go to sleep early (mostly so he wouldn’t have to see Walker come back into the room still shirtless and dripping wet), but those fell sideways when his phone fell into the sink while the water was running. He scrambled to pull it out before any lasting damage, but it slipped out of his fingers and just fell back under the stream. Too late, he realized that he could’ve just turned off the water. _Fuck._

His phone was completely dead by the time he shut the water off. Landis wracked his brain for some kind of miracle cure, but the only thing he could remember was something about rice and he didn’t even have Walker’s car keys to go to the store. Otter and Austin were definitely not going to be happy about the fact that he’d killed his phone, especially considering their only source of contact until he got to Havenwood was now Walker. 

Okay. Okay. This was fine. This was okay. He could deal with this. Landis felt his hands start to shake, a buzzing feeling creeping through his bones that he recognized as the start of a panic attack. This was _fine._ He could _deal with this._ But no matter how many times the words cycled through his mind, his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. He tried taking a breath, but it got caught in his throat until he managed to choke out a wheeze. He was fucked, he was actually fucked. This was _not okay._ This was _not_ fine. 

His vision tunneled until all he could see was the black-screened phone staring at him on the floor. At some point he must have dropped it. He wasn’t surprised, his hands were really shaking now. Tears pricked at his eyes. Shit. He’d been doing so _good_ too. Why was he overreacting like an idiot? Why was he— 

Landis’ thought was cut off by the sound of the door opening and Walker stepping into the room. He started to say something in a pleasant tone, but stopped when he noticed that Landis was on the floor. Oh, yeah, Landis was on the floor now, crouched on his knees in a way that wasn’t comfortable but he wasn’t really in the right mind to care. “Are you...okay?”

Landis let out another wheezing breathe, but when he tried to reply, no words came out. _Stupid._ The tears that had started to form finally started to fall onto the scratchy hotel carpet. _Idiot._

“Landis?” 

He managed a shake of his head. 

Walker looked completely lost, as if he’d just stumbled upon a quantum physics equation he was expected to use to solve for X, but X = a crying Landis Holliday shaking on a hotel floor. He reached out a hand and lightly touched Landis’ back. When he didn’t react, Walker started rubbing small circles into it. His expression was painfully awkward. 

“Uh, there there, buddy,” he said. Landis watched as his bricked phone floated away and landed gently on one of the beds. He couldn’t remember if it was his or Walker’s. Once the phone was out of his sight, his breaths came a little easier. Admittedly, the hand on his back helped as well. 

A silence descended on the room. Landis was focusing on getting his hands to stop shaking and Walker seemed to be trying to think of something to say. After two minutes of the only sound being Landis’ ragged breathing, he settled on, “What happened while I was gone?”

“I just—fucked up my phone.” He forced himself to take a huge gulp of air, “Sorry.” 

Walker shrugged, “It’s, uh, okay. No big deal, I guess.”

“Yeah…” Landis trailed off. He realized that Walker was still rubbing his back. 

Walker seemed to realize it at the same time. He took his hand away, but not before using his other hand to lightly tap Landis on the shoulder. “You’re fine, Landis,’ he said. “Everything’s gonna be fine.” 

Landis took another big breath. Right. Fine. “Yeah,” he said again. 

After that embarrassing display, he was ready to sleep for a million years. He got up from his crouch on the floor and made his way over to the bed by the door, away from Walker. Walker took this in stride. He looked thankful for the change of pace. He gestured to the bathroom, where the light was still on. Landis had forgotten to turn it off. “I’m gonna shower. You, go to sleep, or whatever. Get me if you...need anything.” 

Landis nodded. He turned his back to Walker and started pulling the sheets down on the bed. Without even bothering to change into pajamas, he climbed under the covers and buried his face into the fluffy hotel pillow. He let out a loud groan into the fabric of the pillow case, holding it for a good few seconds. Then he let himself drift off to sleep. 

Like always, Landis dreamed. 

* * *

The next morning went by uneventfully. Landis woke up feeling like he’d not only not slept, but had somehow gotten negative sleep. He didn’t feel crushed under the weight of his shitty mistakes (well, any more than usual) so that was a plus sign. As much as he hated to admit it, it had been nice to have Walker there to take the phone away and help ground him. Landis didn’t know Walker was capable of actually being helpful. 

Ugh, that was mean. He’d obviously been trying, and it really had made Landis feel better. 

They packed up the car and quickly ate some of the complimentary breakfast before heading out on the road again at 6:00 AM on the dot. Walker remained uncharacteristically silent the entire drive. He would start to say something and then seem to think better of it. Landis had never known Walker to think before he spoke, so it was setting him off. Something was on his mind, that much was clear. 

Just like last time, at a certain point in the morning Walker decided that it was okay to belt his heart out and he telekinetically plugged his phone up to the aux. Instead of asking Landis to queue up songs, Walker told him to search up “car” and click the first playlist. Unfortunately, it was titled, “songz to have car sex 2”, which Walker didn’t seem to mind. 

Landis blushed through the entire three-hour-long (three hours!) playlist. There wasn’t any conversation beyond occasionally commenting on the cows they saw or Walker making obnoxious statements about the passing cars he did or did not approve of. It wasn’t really any different than the first day had been, but it _felt_ different. There was a tension in the air that Landis didn’t know how to explain. 

He figured it probably had something to do with the breakdown Walker had witnessed last night. Around two o’clock, Landis decided to clear the air. He took a deep breath and said, “Thanks, by the way.” 

“Hm?”

Landis rubbed his hands against his ratty jeans, trying not to fidget too badly. “Thanks for, uh—helping. Last night. Sorry I got like that.”

Walker shrugged. He kept his eyes firmly on the road, “No big deal. I figured it came with the whole ‘traumatized by the supernatural’ territory.” Landis noticed his grip tightened on the steering wheel. “I get it.” 

“Uh, yeah…” He searched for something to say, “It just felt like everything was crashing down, for some reason. I don’t know. It was nice having you there. Grounding.” Landis blushed, “So thanks.”

They lapsed into silence after that. At some point Landis had put on another playlist that _wasn’t_ about car sex and that played quietly in the background. Walker tapped out rhythms with his hand and hummed to himself. Landis stared out the window at the landscape rushing by. It was nice. Not as awkward as Landis had feared it would be. 

When it turned into three and they still hadn’t had lunch, Landis shakily put his foot down and insisted they actually stop somewhere. Walker didn’t even protest. Okay, he protested a little bit, but eventually conceded to sitting down at a Dairy Queen that didn’t look like it’d seen any customers in ten years. 

They ordered their food and moved to a booth in the corner of the empty restaurant. Landis picked at his, but settled on eating some fries while Walker devoured his chicken strips. They made light conversation while they ate, talking about anything that wasn’t even close to serious. Landis even resorted to mentioning the weather. 

Once they were finished and walking back to their parked car, Walker held out a hand in front of Landis for him to stop. He did, nervously shifting in the middle of the parking lot. “Yeah?” He asked. 

Walker grinned like a fox, “Can I do something?”

“Uh, sure?”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Walker’s hand came up to cup his cheek and suddenly he was _kissing_ Landis. He made a muffled noise against Walker’s mouth. He hadn’t been expecting that. After the initial shock wore off, Landis found that it wasn’t a bad kiss, all things considered. Walker’s hands were bonier than even Landis’ and he was a little too tall for the angle to be completely comfortable, but Landis found himself leaning in anyway. 

It went on until they both realized they needed to breathe. Walker pulled away first. He was smiling impishly. Landis just felt dazed. “Wha—What was that?”

Walker shrugged, “I think it spoke for itself.”

“No it did not!” Landis all but shouted, except Walker was already walking back towards his stupid car with a new spring in his step. Landis followed after him and hopped in, trying not to babble the entire time. 

Walker’s smile didn’t leave his face. In fact, it seemed to get bigger and more devilish when Landis got into the passenger seat. As he plugged his phone into the aux he said, “I think it made sense.”

“But—you—Walker,” Landis sighed, “can you just tell me what that was, please? A straight answer?”

“I kissed you.”

“Yeah, I got that part.” 

“I figured we could do it again later too.”

Landis felt his eyes widen. “Yeah?”

Walker shrugged, “Yeah.”

Landis opened his mouth, but found he couldn’t think of anything to say to that. Whatever playlist Walker found started a song from a singer he recognized from the previous day. Carly Rae Jepsen blasted through the speakers singing about how she really really really liked someone. Landis felt his cheeks burn but, still, he couldn’t think of a reply. 

Walker pulled the convertible out of the parking lot. He waited a few more moments to see if Landis was going to speak and then said, “Are you good with that? Kissing again?”

Landis opened his mouth. He closed it. He opened it again. Finally, actual sound came out. “Yeah,” he said, not really sure what it was going to be until he’d heard himself say it. 

Huh. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! 
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/GHOSTZVNE), where there is more information about the writing commissions i have going on RIGHT NOW! they're for fic, original, or poetry so just check out my pinned tweet if you're interested!


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